Why does bush act so macho?

I'm sorry, I'm so bored :(

Check this out

This is pretty funny. go to www.google.com and type in "french military victories" then click the I'm Feeling Lucky button. Aparently this is some Canadian college student's joke.

When Kenny isn't there

What happens when I'm not there and your computer crashes? I found this article on slashdot, pretty interesting how we consider computers to be sentient pets huh?

yea, ILOVEFLOSS is the ultimate

Brizzles,

Ian here with my new blogger identity, I love me some floss; please note the double reference to the string that we use to clean our teeth, and my perpetual infatuation with dave's mom.

So all I wanted to do when I got of work was have a fucking beer with a friend. Goddamn is that to much to ask. Kenny can't detach his vagina from his computer screen, amos's vagina is so big he can't lift it from the couch. And nobody else seems to give a damn. Well fuck it, I'm going to go cry and masturbate in the shower (I'm serious.)

Fuck Tuesdays are wonderful.


Ian

Snorting cock off of some dudes cock

For those who have an interest in my opnion on legalizing drugs check out my personal blog External Reflection.

And I won't do this often on here.
J

Parents and Asians and Earthquakes Oh My!

So for Easter I go home to my parents house. As anyone who's been to my house knows, (um, Carmin I think) I generally don't talk to my parents. This has been my policy since my early teens, ever since I made the connection between the amount of information my parents know and my blood pressure (less = lower). I won't get into the gritty details, but in general once my parents identify something they think is a defect or flaw in one of their children they work tirelessly to correct it. Which of course means hounding them with everything they can think of to get their way.

I survived this by being the lesser of two evils. Basically, as long as my brother was a bigger screw up they wouldn't try to force information out of me, leaving them with no other criticisms but "oh an A-, you can do better". This Easter is the first time, however, that my brother was unavailable to recieve their crap. This, predictably, led to them hounding me using whatever information they had on my life - which amounts to two things:

1. I don't talk to them much
2. I'm dating Vicky

So, first two days (Friday and Saturday) they literally hounded me every five minutes to get me to tell them something. I, of course, skillfully dodged these assualts by artfully insulting their intelligence. So on Easter (Sunday) they moved on to the next one.

My parents met and spent about a week with Vicky, and she was amazing. She pretty much left them with the impression that she is the perfect woman. So, my parents were unable to attack Vicky directly, instead they had to figure out something that I am doing wrong with her. They know she is Buddhist, but I think they think I will make her into a Catholic some day, so they didn't touch the religion aspect.

Instead, the flaw they found to hound me about is the fact that Vicky still hasn't told her parents about me. She has not done this for a couple of reasons which I won't list here, but my view is that they are, of course, her parents so she knows best. I've pretty much been fine with this, as it is also her responsibility to notify them of people she is dating, right?

Apparently not. All of Sunday, my dad kept calling me a child because I haven't called Vicky's parents to tell them I exist. ????

When he first said this, I laughed so hard and called him a fucking dumbass. Of course, my parents strategy of "annoy the fuck out of the kid until he submits" was well under way. It should be noted, that any and all logical things said to them during their parenting sessions is disregarded without review. So I had to listen to hour upon hour of this shit, they of course tag-teaming and inventing creative lead-ins like the pros do
( ME: I can take Vicki a present from yall if you want
MOM: HMM, I don't know, Ken what do you think?
DAD: A present? Why whould I want to give him a present to take to her when he's such a child he has to sneak behind her parents back like a teenager? )

Some of this stuff is pretty funny, I should really record it and sell it.

So, at any rate, I'm fucking pissed at them (10 hours of this crap would make you pissed too). And I'm worried that the idiots will predictably take matters into their own hands and try to contact Vicki's parents themselves. That should be a funny conversation huh?

Ok, Rant OFF

Oh yeah, and yesterday a 8.7 magnitude aftershock hit indonesia. I can't wait to get to Krabi!

Good Stuff

First off I just woke up from getting hammered and staying in some chicks bed, but no touchy feely naked games since I have to work with this girl on a profesional level, fuck getting old. Dave a genius story thanks for sharing it, and this 'road girl' must be skethcy as shit thinking that sucking Ian's dick is the same as making out. How can you mistake a tounge with a penis, unless the penis was slightly flacid so as to feel like a tounge, I could see that.

Also Ira try again man, you can do it we are all confident, and Amos good job setting this shit up, we'll 'makeout' when I get down there.
Cheers,
John

And the time thing is wrong its all pacific time, so lets get that fixed, thanks.

Ian you fucking sketchball

First off. This is Dave not John. Since I haven't bothered to get Amos to get me on here yet, I have to resort to using other identities. And on this Easter weekend I would like to discuss a trip to the Cat's Cradle to see crooked fingers and the sketchiness that is Ian.
So off to see crooked fingers with Ian, some girl from his work(who I will refer to as the road girl), and this girl I've been hanging out with named Katie. Katie was kind enough to drive. All is well on the trip down. The show is great and we all have a few beers there(aside from Katie who is underaged, but that is another story for another day). I'd say we get out of the show about midnight and prepare for the long drive back. Katie drives the first part of the trip back, Ian and slightly anebriated "road girl" sit in the backseat. They both fall asleep in a cute little cuddly posistion...well it would have been cute if road girl weren't kind of nasty. An hour passes...I'm taling to Katie, Bjork is playing on the CD player, and road girls head is gently resting in Ians lap.....WAIT A MINUTE. Her head is not resting...it's fucking bobbing up and down. There is a moment of panic in my mind. Is this really happening or have I just entered the opening scene of some B horror/soft porn movie? song ends silence is broken by a loud slurping noise....this isnt really happening. I talk louder in hopes of drowning out the noise...no use. Katie and I both look forward to avoid debauchery occuring feet behind us. I talk about anything to ensure that there is noise other than the incesant slurping reverberating in the car....this isnt happening. Finaly after what seems like an eternity, actually only a few minutes, the noises stop. I glance back and see no movement...this didn't just happen. now my mind turns to visions of punching Ian in head. I'm mad...really fucking mad. We get home...I go home and have bad dreams.
I've since gotten over being angry about Ian's inconsiderate road head extravaganza. However, I had to take revenge somehow and what better way than publicly posting his shameful night for all the family to see. I later found out that Katie thought they were just making out in the back...I let her know the sticky truth. Take that neligan. So how is everyone else doing these days?

Presentations

First off, I'm still drunk from last night so this may be incoherent. I had a presentation yesterday for some faculty members and students and have found the best way to prepare. I take a shit. As Carmin will proclaim, its really relaxing, but I like it for some other reasons. First as shit pours out of my asshole I think about how trivial this bullshit presentation really is. The only reason I am here is to fuck some chick, make a kid, eat food, and shit. I think about all this will shitting and starring at my big cock. Then I think damn that’s a big fucking cock, I should masturbate, but I resist. So it gives me the perfect combination between knowing things are trivial (everything is about shitting), and knowing that I am powerful and secure (my big cock). So if you ever have something that your nervous about like presentations or orgies just sit down and let shit pour out your ass, and if you think you have a small cock, think about how you need to prove to others that your badass since your penis is small. Good Luck.

Inappropriate Logo

Check out this highly inappropriate logo.

Fucking Cereal Companies

As I attempted to open the box of cereal this morning some fell on the floor. Piece of shit fucking cereal companies, too much glue was applied to the wax lined plastic, so that even a moderately strong fellow (dense Chinese muscle) as myself had troubles. Why, one would ask, do cereal companies do this, I now know. They want to sell you some cheap scissors, perhaps to take your own life because the cereal fell on the floor. I got the cereal open and to my surprise, there was an advertisement on the inside of the box to mail off some cash for a set of scissors. Who the fuck needs six different scissors. Fucking cereal companies, unnecessarily getting cereal on my floor. Fuck them and the hell if I'm going to pick that shit up, fuck it. Fuck cereal, I want bacon.