Howdy Boys,
8 days later I'm back in Boulder.
The river was fucking fantasies, too many stories to tell. Frank Church is gorgeous. The Sawtooth mountains are unreal. I kept expecting Jack and Jill to come tumbling down; the mountains are out of a fairy tale.
There is one story that deserves telling.
RiverDay 4
We woke up to rain... It was cold and 7 am. My cousin and I were on cook crew (and quite hung-over), so we threw some bagels and cheese out for the masses (there were 20 people in our group) and packed our shit and rigged our boat. The river was cold, snow melt, but the Sawtooth hills dropping at 45+ degree angles like green gumdrops with jagged heads proved picturesque enough to distract me from the hypothermia. 23 miles of constant class 2 and 3 water with several class 4 rapids and we arrived at our campsite. We camped on a sand/rock beach bordered by cliffs to the south (the middle fork flows north) and rolling mountains on the east, west, and north.
As if on que the sun came out when we arrived at out camp. We immediately started drinking beer and jumping off the cliffs into the river. Side note: these kids can drink, first day on the river we killed 2 kegs, every day was wasted and drunker. Naturally the more we jumped the higher we climbed. The tallest jump attempted was 40 feet (the climb up the cliffs was the sketchy part, not the jumps). I threw a back flip off the middle cliff and about sprained both my ankles so I decided to stop jumping for a bit and go on a hike. Chris, Ann, Cobi, and I hiked up to some 600 year old petroglyphs and boulder around on some rocks. Several hours later it was time for dinner and we began hiking back to camp. I started running and got well ahead of the group. I stopped dead upon round a curve in the trail; I was absolutely taken by the senery that surrounded me. I stood for a few moments appreciating the view. I recommenced my walk, 20 feet later I heard nature's infamous marocco voicing the rage of my traspassing. Only 10 to my left a 6+ foot rattle snake was coiled and read to strike. I screamed like a school girl and jumped 4 vertical feet... I landed and ran a bit, my heat pounding in my chest before I realized it wasn't going to chase me. I snuck back to grab a few pictures before returning to camp.
When I got back dinner was ready and the group was eating. It was spaghetti night and to celebrate our spaghetti and drunkenness everyone hard decided to get naked. So I stripped for the ladies, and grabbed a plate of food. After dinner a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 appeared infront of me. So I started chugging on it and chasing with Sparks. I was wasted in about 10 minutes and the bottle was gone in 30 (with help of course). Another bottle appear with the same results. At this point memory gets pretty hazy. I remember chasing this beautiful girl Ann with perfect C cup breasts into the woods. We climbed up the back side of the cliffs and looked out over the river. Soon some other folks followed and I had the great idea to down climb the top part of the cliffs and jump the 40 footer into the river. Total we are about 80 feet above the camp. Everyone told me that it was a terrible idea but I managed to convice two other guys to come with me. 20 feet later I'm druck as a skunk and exposed as shit (in multiple ways) 60 above camp. At this point the people at camp have seen me and are watching my descent. The other guys bailed shortly after we started to down climb.
Some how I slipped. I've concluded balance is the first thing to go when your drunk. I plummeted 15 feet in the air and landed on my the back of my neck and head, I continued to cartwheel down 35 feet of jagged rock finally grabbing a bush to stop my descent off the final cliff. I should be paralyzed if not dead. This was the single stupidest act I have ever done and I'm ok. My right leg is fucked up... Severely bruised and scraped all to hell. My back is scraped, my ass is cut up and I have a fatty lump on my head/ neck. Nothing broken thank god. The group at camp saw the whole thing. They rushed up the cliff. There are several paramedics/EMT people in the group and they start doing the tests for back/neck/head injuries. They carried me down bleeding from every inch of my body. Blood was every where... and we're all naked. Basically they dumped me in hydrogen peroxide and cleaned all my wounds, wrapped my in gauze and fed me tequila. I figured I was in a lot of pain even though I could feel anything so I drank and drank until I passed out. I don't remember anything else but I am told by my cousin who babysat me all night that I woke up in a field 30 feet from camp puked for about half an hour passed out, puked again and somehow ended up in my tent.
I don't know how I survived this day, I should have died like 3 times; snake, cliff, alcohol poisoning, but I learned a bunch of lessons.
So family... Take note and do not do as I have done.
Ian
8 days later I'm back in Boulder.
The river was fucking fantasies, too many stories to tell. Frank Church is gorgeous. The Sawtooth mountains are unreal. I kept expecting Jack and Jill to come tumbling down; the mountains are out of a fairy tale.
There is one story that deserves telling.
RiverDay 4
We woke up to rain... It was cold and 7 am. My cousin and I were on cook crew (and quite hung-over), so we threw some bagels and cheese out for the masses (there were 20 people in our group) and packed our shit and rigged our boat. The river was cold, snow melt, but the Sawtooth hills dropping at 45+ degree angles like green gumdrops with jagged heads proved picturesque enough to distract me from the hypothermia. 23 miles of constant class 2 and 3 water with several class 4 rapids and we arrived at our campsite. We camped on a sand/rock beach bordered by cliffs to the south (the middle fork flows north) and rolling mountains on the east, west, and north.
As if on que the sun came out when we arrived at out camp. We immediately started drinking beer and jumping off the cliffs into the river. Side note: these kids can drink, first day on the river we killed 2 kegs, every day was wasted and drunker. Naturally the more we jumped the higher we climbed. The tallest jump attempted was 40 feet (the climb up the cliffs was the sketchy part, not the jumps). I threw a back flip off the middle cliff and about sprained both my ankles so I decided to stop jumping for a bit and go on a hike. Chris, Ann, Cobi, and I hiked up to some 600 year old petroglyphs and boulder around on some rocks. Several hours later it was time for dinner and we began hiking back to camp. I started running and got well ahead of the group. I stopped dead upon round a curve in the trail; I was absolutely taken by the senery that surrounded me. I stood for a few moments appreciating the view. I recommenced my walk, 20 feet later I heard nature's infamous marocco voicing the rage of my traspassing. Only 10 to my left a 6+ foot rattle snake was coiled and read to strike. I screamed like a school girl and jumped 4 vertical feet... I landed and ran a bit, my heat pounding in my chest before I realized it wasn't going to chase me. I snuck back to grab a few pictures before returning to camp.
When I got back dinner was ready and the group was eating. It was spaghetti night and to celebrate our spaghetti and drunkenness everyone hard decided to get naked. So I stripped for the ladies, and grabbed a plate of food. After dinner a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 appeared infront of me. So I started chugging on it and chasing with Sparks. I was wasted in about 10 minutes and the bottle was gone in 30 (with help of course). Another bottle appear with the same results. At this point memory gets pretty hazy. I remember chasing this beautiful girl Ann with perfect C cup breasts into the woods. We climbed up the back side of the cliffs and looked out over the river. Soon some other folks followed and I had the great idea to down climb the top part of the cliffs and jump the 40 footer into the river. Total we are about 80 feet above the camp. Everyone told me that it was a terrible idea but I managed to convice two other guys to come with me. 20 feet later I'm druck as a skunk and exposed as shit (in multiple ways) 60 above camp. At this point the people at camp have seen me and are watching my descent. The other guys bailed shortly after we started to down climb.
Some how I slipped. I've concluded balance is the first thing to go when your drunk. I plummeted 15 feet in the air and landed on my the back of my neck and head, I continued to cartwheel down 35 feet of jagged rock finally grabbing a bush to stop my descent off the final cliff. I should be paralyzed if not dead. This was the single stupidest act I have ever done and I'm ok. My right leg is fucked up... Severely bruised and scraped all to hell. My back is scraped, my ass is cut up and I have a fatty lump on my head/ neck. Nothing broken thank god. The group at camp saw the whole thing. They rushed up the cliff. There are several paramedics/EMT people in the group and they start doing the tests for back/neck/head injuries. They carried me down bleeding from every inch of my body. Blood was every where... and we're all naked. Basically they dumped me in hydrogen peroxide and cleaned all my wounds, wrapped my in gauze and fed me tequila. I figured I was in a lot of pain even though I could feel anything so I drank and drank until I passed out. I don't remember anything else but I am told by my cousin who babysat me all night that I woke up in a field 30 feet from camp puked for about half an hour passed out, puked again and somehow ended up in my tent.
I don't know how I survived this day, I should have died like 3 times; snake, cliff, alcohol poisoning, but I learned a bunch of lessons.
So family... Take note and do not do as I have done.
Ian
posted by dr. e. t rain at
2:45 PM
1 Comments:
..and then one day, I went backpacking with this guy with a seven-inch beautiful glistening dick and I asked him to jam it up my anal canal until my testicles bled...
By
Anonymous, at 6/20/2005 11:16 PM
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