Damn Bitches

Two nights ago I stayed up late working on a project. One of those stupid fucking projects where nothing was learned, and half of it was formatting, something I could train a mildly retarded monkey to do. This girl from class, my project partner, came over to work on it late night. We were up till three and so I suggested she stay over. This to me meant hey you could sleep in my bed suck my dick and I could play with your huge fun bags. It DID NOT mean you could sleep in my bed, role all over the place, keep me up half the night with your loud ass breathing, wake me up to tell me what you were dreaming. I mean what the fuck. This might have been o.k. given my penis was in her mouth early that evening, but to my recollection it wasn’t. Would you like to have some chips and salsa doesn’t mean empty the fucking bottle out, unless of course I am getting my dick sucked. Damn bitches.

An ode to our old kegerator

Check out these amazing kegerators If we were only not too dunk to make something this interesting.

Yeah Bitch

gotta love slashdot

Cosmic Truth finally revealed

Finally, some smart person has written on the Internet what the Catholic church has been trying to tell you dumbasses all along. Read up, and repent!

Smokethese

What up Family,

Just spent 5 incredulous days trekking in the Smokies with the family's long lost manchild, Carter Tate. Due to inclement weather, starting as rain and progressing to sleet and snow; we had some of the most intense solitude I've experienced backpacking. I highly recommend the Bigcreek area for dayhiking/ backpacking. Fucking rainforst this tyme of year.

I guess I spent the days leading up to the trip drinking and carousing in the vaginal warmth of Asheville's spring. The wintry weekend forecast hardly forced a synaptic interplay. I left town with a 50 degree bag and hopes of a spring backpacking adventure. The first night we made camp a cold front gangbanged our tent like a Japanese invasion. The temp dropped 40 degrees and the following morning we climbed Sterling mountain in fits of wind and sleet. Sleet turned to a wet semenal snow, which we trudged through for the next four days. It was a type of physical challenge brought on by my intrepid arrogance at high altitude Appalachia's extremes. A punishment deserved and perversely enjoyed.

Fuck yea.

Ian

awwww shit yall

Sup neptizzles, yall better get ready cause I'll be dropping a big L bomb on cackalacky tomorrow. I've got my pukin pants, my dancing shoes, and my birthday suit all packed and ready to go. 80's night, jew pool, eggsteakwafflewich, damn son, its gonna be great. Anyways, figured I'd go ahead and get all the other family stuff out of the way first, so I'll probably be spending the first week in Boone and this weekend down with the grandparents in South Carolina. But if anybody feels like raisin some hell up in boone town with some certified boonie junkies give a call. If not we'll be seeing yall soon. Still got the hawaii number 808-896-9069

landon

work blows but still can kick ass

Just woke up from a 22hr. shift of work. wow work sucks. Mmm Mmm bitch!

virgin mary

i am at the national conference for undergraduate research here in virginia. you know one of them smart persons conference. anyways slammin sam roberts and i got nick christian wasted for the first time in his life. we started the night off with big beers at salerno's restaurant. them we moved on to the southern inn reseraunt and drank taquilla sunrises and white russians. soon we were on to the ultimate irish car-bombs. nick was getting wasted and stumblin all over the place. so we are loaded up and walking around the campuses of washington and lee and the virginia military institute. we walk into a couple of washinton and lee fraternity parties and i automatically go in and ask for the highest quiality blow at the party. no one seemed to reaally have any so i decided to step it down a notch and ask who had any crlystal meth. i figured a good southern school like w&l must have some good crystal. but no.! so disapointed. no crystal. damnit!!!! so nick and i decide to race down the middle of the w&l quad]. nick pulls the unexpected and pulls his pats off to run the 200m in his undershorts. he wins. i was wearing teva's no contest nick kicked my ass. what a fu;nny night for the first timmer. the family strikes again. for the rest of the night nick christian was hitting on his fiancee anna-marie and pissing her off. lots of grab ass, and she bout slapped him.
popin' cherries is awsome.
db

Fuck yeah

So finally the week is to the end. I have already turned in about 100 pages of written work, to the sad desperation of my soul most of it was shit, but hopefully it will get me a B. I am off tonight to meet up with some chick downtown and then maybe out dancing. So many hot chicks up here, so many…..So with some scotch in my belly about to eat some Ethiopian, who make damn good cheap wine, (mead) hopefully I can get my penis touched by something human this time, (note: don’t sneak into the zoo with people on drugs) or at least dream about May 11. We should divvy up tasks, Carmin is in charge of music and events someone in Aville, I can handle something let me know and my soulseek name is ‘peacenigga’

How to destroy your digestive system

In 8 easy steps:

1. Take a 25+ hour trip to Thailand, eating only airline food
2. While in Thailand, eat mostly seafood, including fish you can't pronounce covered with spices that shouldn't exist
3. Come back on another 25+ hour trip, again eating airline food
4. Eat an Urban Burritto
5. Eat a Backyard Burger
6. Eat about half of another Urban Burritto
7. Drink 3 cups of coffee and god knows how much tea a day to combat "exhausted" feeling
8. Finish up with a delicious meal in the caf

Guide to surviving a Zombie attack

This is something that I think every family member should read, to help us when our society is inevitably overrun by zombies. I would feel very bad having to shoot you all in your zombified brain, so pay attention!

New Pope

Wow, that was quick.

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger from Germany. Pope Benedict XVI

A Small Sample

I uploaded all of my pictures & videos (about 800) to my parent's online photo album. I'll be making a cd with the pictures plus stories plus extra scans and stuff in a week or two, but for now, those of you who aren't in Asheville will have to settle for this (The server is a really old computer, don't give up if pages load slow)

Its the Truth

There is a fucking lot of truth to Carmin's appeal.

I just caught the Iron a Wine show tonight; while maintaining a truck load of poo in my large intestine. I guess my life priorities are out of wack, because I chose to retain my front row position rather than release my breakfast and lunch remains. By the time I got home I had forgotten I needed to poo, until I read Carmin's poignant post. So I quickly made my way to my dirty restroom for a disappointing bowel movement. Now my tummy hurts.

Ian

ground zero

if don't know, now you know. family members dave, broad dick and myself (bizell niizzell) have signed our names in blood to move into a house at 2 lynmar. it is in the kimberly neighborhood off of gracelyn. apparently the neighborhood is a really tight community. i think there is a lot of wife swapping and buddy showering happening, so we will fit right in. lots of kids live in the hood to, so dave and i will have to keep ol' kenny on a short rope so he doesnt touch any of the hood kiddies special parts. as for dave McSlothlin he will likely doing the landscaping for everyone in the hood by the end of the summer, asking for baggies of slam , aka "ice" or "crank", instead of legal tender. as for me, i plan on turning this nice quiet neighborhood into the environment i know best--the slums of ATL. soon all of the bitches and hoes will be hangin on our stoop and the ghetto blasters will be blastin. all the kiddies of the hood will become addicted to my products and their parents won't know what to think. they all thought that living in the best school district in town would protect their little kiddies but they were not pepared for the family invasion. can't wait to get my livin' on.
db

"Cougs"... Bagged not tagged and a clean release

For those of you out of the loop on whats happening in nc, i thought i would fill you in on my first cougar experiance. As you all know i am sadly still under age and so my 27 year old acconplice in this story, by our standards, is a coug for me. It started in Charlotte at a flyfishing show i had to go to with my boss and 2 other guys i work with. Our first night consisted of heavy drinking and driving on sidewalks in a 15 passenger van. Night two started when the owener of our sister guide service, in the bahamas, asked us to come to dinner at his wifes sisters house along with the bohamians. While driving and geting directions they took our drink orders before we got there and that Herb the owener spent $1000 on drinks. The drinking started early and drinks were replinished before you had time to finish off the last little bit in your first glass. The ladys were few and the guys were abundant. My choices were between 1. a 4'5" married girl with dwarfism 2. a very cute single girl about 25, black hair with a white spot in the front, i called her skunk hair 3. a very hot girl looked about 30 and appeared to be married to the 275lb. chef named Jay. I went option 2 but for some reason keep on hitting on option 3. Later in the night after many beers and a 32oz. white russian, in option 3's bedroom along with my boss and fellow coworkers opt. 3 sat down on my lap. When she did she kind of poked he ass out in my face and he thong showed. I weighed my options and chose to grab her ass and procede to the groin area. After several minutes of drunk groaping and trying to get everyone else to leave the room she just kind of gets up and leaves like nothing was going on. she walkes across the hall to another room and shuts the door. The rest of us decided to just go back to the rest of the party but this really cool guy steve convinced me that i needed to go back up and just crawl in bed with her and see what happens. Sounds good. I crawl in. In my drunken stupidity i just layed face down on the mattress and proceded to put my hand in the front of her pants. Now things are going good but about 2 min. pass and i hear in the very deep voice of Jay i hear "Hey Otter." Holly shit fuck me in the goat ass jay is in the bed on the other side of opt.3. My escape plan was to go to the bathroom but just keep on runnin. I go down stairs instantly tramatized into a state of soberness, dazed and a pale as ira's ass in MT. Steve lookes at me laughs because he figured out what happened and says, "Where's your hat Otter." Fuck, i left mos'es hat in the room, FUCK, FUCK, FUuCK. I went back up stairs, got the hat, left the house, and had a good laugh about it the next day with everyone. Havent heard anything about it since even when Herb went and played golf with Jay. Mmm Mmm Bitch!

ta-dow

Whats up bitches, so the last day of the season was today so I'm now officially unemployeed and without a hobby. Not to worry though, I didn't escape the wrath of the mountain completly, I managed to sprain my elbow on the last run of the last day...so close. Ah well, on another note, I feel the need to publically blast Ira for a fatal fault in judgement whereby he missed a night of rock-staresque partying and the last day of riding with myself, ole Mary Neil, and Dylan for a shot at some tail. Hope it worked out for you buddy, you suck. And finally, we're making plans for the family reunion so I'm setting aside may 10-15 for some beligerent Asheville debauchery so all yall fuckers better be there, and I mean all of yas. Otter, I'm sorry but your plans don't work for me so you'll have to get your flight to Alaska delayed a few days. later skaters
L-don

Whatever

Whoever designed Chicago's O'hare airport should be shot, drug through the streets, urinated upon, and set on fire. And Ian, fuck you! I had the cruise control on the whole way, jackass.

LORD OF GAMERS

With a farewell pat on his tight little ass I said goodbye to Kenneth at the Charlotte airport this morning.

We arrived following a sprint down from Asheville filled with many more spastic Kenny driving quirks than usual; due to Kenisha's nervousness. As he rapidly tapped the gas, and then the break and the gas again he talked about his up coming adventure in Thailand; meeting Vicky and experiencing a different culture.

The trip is more than flying half way around the world on the chance of love. Jumping into experiences and learning from them is one of the most important things we can do. Approaching those experiences with an open mind is key to gaining insight in life. Its hard to imagine insight and maturity of thought can be developed without a variety of real world experiences. And this requires stepping out of ones comfort zone.

We've all given Kenny a hard time for spending countless hours in front of screens. Given his amoeboid life style he is a very insightful person. I'm glad that Kenny has been inspired run away to Thailand. This theme impresses me about the family in general. Everyone has jumped on opportunities to run around the world and learn shit.

With bright eyes and sweaty palms Kenny faces his destiny; while I sit in Asheville stroking my blood engorged chubby thinking about Kenny laying some famous Thai tail.

And I like Jeb's plan to resolve the Blog laws... Kudos Jeb

Ian

Out like plaid pajamas

See yall bitches later. I'll probably end up posting pictures while I'm there, because I suck that much. So when I do I'll give yall a link to see them.

Oh, and if I manage to get myself killed, make sure they bury me with my computers. And facing east so that I can spring up out of my grave facing Jesus during the rapture.

End of cancer

Hey check this out. Seems some Korean scientists used gene therapy to specifically target and kill cancer cells, from what I've read the only side effect is infertility. Thats right, you heard it here first. The cure for cancer will also take away your baby worries.

more fam invited to blog it up but soon leaving

Mr. Otter is in the game now mother bitches, so wash the sand out your vagina, put your best cotton panties on, and get ready to shit. Because as most of you know i will be relocating my living quarters to BF Alaska in a month and this is probably going to be the only form of comunication with anyone half as waisted as i will be. I am also sad to announce that because of my relocation I will be leaving may 12 so you out of town members need to get your asses down for the reunion, I'm sorry there is nothing i could do. Mmm Mmm bitch.

Hold on...

I think you all are forgetting some of the regulations that involve meets like this. As set down in the Supreme Court case Boa vs. Python (BVP) there are only 2 rules:

1. Everyone stays with their point man
2. Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend

I believe the stipulations that the 3rd District Court of Antartica set down in the case Alien vs. Predator (AVP) also apply:

1. A meeting between local members and members from other states or solar systems must take place under a glacier in an abandoned EgyptLoaMayan pyramid
2. Whatever archeologists exist in the party must be ignored at all times
3. Females present must have their armor made by a current family member out of any available dead aliens.

Finally, as the case of Chinchilla vs. Parrot (CVP) proves, any and all rules can and will be overridden by a show of force or really big talons.

The Proposed Bills

To add to the rules I propose that we all accept the following. First, we need a declaration. I would be willing to write this up but my opportunity cost of time is a bit high, so I can edit or revise. My suggestions:

1: SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.
This Act may be cited as the `The Act of Forming The Declaration of Some Bad Ass Motherfuckers' cited below as ‘The Act.’
SEC. 2. DECLERATION FORMATION REQUIREMENTS.
(a) Not later than 1 day after the date of this post the members shall add what they please and manipulate The Act. including--
(1) a description of the purposes for which you are making you change
(2) a clear indication of where changes are made;
(b) Subsequent Changes- Not later than 1 day or in addition to 2 days but not less than 5 days clearly being an upper limit of 15 days these changes should be made and suggestions to The Act
SEC. 3. VOTING IN THE CHANGES
(a) Changes to the declaration will be decided by a 4/7 majority and if you are the unfortunate 3/7 see your way out, unless you are John, his glory and mightiness, and we shall bless him.

(b) After completion we all drink a shot the same night wherever we may be, or pay for a shot for two of the members in May, during the annual
conference.
(1) This has to be proven by a signed letter by an ‘outsider’ or a picture.

And the Declaration
1: SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Declaration may be cited as the ` The Declaration of Some Bad Ass Motherfuckers' cited below as ‘The Act.’

SEC. 3. THE MISSION STATEMENT
The goal of this blog is to express the inner core of our beings, the drunken nights, the cougars, the long nights finding our way home, little reminiscing, focusing on new adventures, and seeking advice from the elders whomever they may be, will supporting the growth of each other and the stimulating each others penises.
SEC. 3. NEW MEMBERSHIP
(a) Since this is for family members only, I think if we hold a vote anytime someone wants to come in and they only get accepted if we have 3/4th yes's that would work.

(b) Same thing for getting kicked out, except it could be higher like unanimous, or 7/8th.

Blog Laws.
1. New Family Members will be voted in according to the rules stated by Kenny.

2. Girlfriends, both present and former, by nature of their impermanence, unpredictability, and conflicting/complicating nature with family members, are automatically disqualified from being added to the blog. Its nothing personal against them, they can of course read the blog and go and start their own blogs.
a. The said rule may be vetoed by the girlfriend's partner/family member. In which case it goes to vote by the family according to Law 1.


SEC. 4. THE MAY MEETING
(a) We get fucked up and try (scratch try and insert will) to hook up with scandalously dressed women, especially John and Ira.
(b) Buy John beer and find women for him and all who want to participate in ‘Jelly party’

That’s all for now, obviously I am busy with school, and note the change above (scratch try and insert will) that’s the style ladies. We can post this once complete on a different linked page. And we three who have wrote about about these rules, may be big fucking dorks, but one day, yes one day we will be powerful and respected in some circle of either moderately retarded old men or blind girls from Ethiopia.

Always with my kindest hardest throbing cock,
John

Adding AND Removing

Howdy,

I mean not to over complicate this subject, but I wanted to add my suggestion.

Because family members tend not to be asexual, we frequently have partners which tag alone on family outings and such. Girlfriends that hang out a lot often feel almost like family. I think we should go ahead and address this in terms of our blog doctrine; so I add a clause to Kenny's.

Blog Laws.
1. New Family Members will be voted in according to the rules stated by Kenny.

2. Girlfriends, both present and former, by nature of their impermanence, unpredictability, and conflicting/complicating nature with family members, are automatically disqualified from being added to the blog. Its nothing personal against them, they can of course read the blog and go and start their own blogs.
a. The said rule may be vetoed by the girlfriend's partner/family member. In which case it goes to vote by the family according to Law 1.

This sounds silly and unnecessary and it probably is, but maybe people's feelings won't get hurt in the future if they understand that we have already decided on a set of rules.

Let me know what you guys think on this.

Peace

Ian "flosser" Nelligan

Adding/Removing Members

Hey yall, lets talk about how people get added to/kicked out of the blog, since I think this will become an issue in the future.

We need to decide on a fair way to do it. Since this is for family members only, I think if we hold a vote anytime someone wants to come in and they only get accepted if we have 3/4th yes's that would work.

Same thing for getting kicked out, except it could be higher like unanimous, or 7/8th.

Oh yeah, and McPhee just got invited. I know it's pushing the limits a little, but he did hang out while he was here and is coming back to Asheville next year, and whatever family members are here will be the only people he knows.

enter the drangon

what up,
d bizzell nizzell has entered the blogtronbot arena.
i heard the pope actually died of gonaherpasiphyllus.

my snow angle is obtuse

Whats up ladies, not a lot out here. The snow is shitty so the riding sucks and other than snowboarding there ain't shit to do out here so I've had a lot of free time on my hands. Been playing the banjo, learning a bit of spanish, and most of all studying for the motherfucking GRE. Fucking A man, seems like I probably won't need to remember the quadatic equation or how to find the length of all sides of a 30-60-90 triangle in gradschool. But who knows, maybe the secret to the sustainable development, or should I say development approaching sustainability, of he third world does lie in the fact that you must find the least common denominator to add fractions. My studies have, however, lead me to the realization that while all of the family is quite astute and perspicacious our recent blogs have been characterized by periphrastic and enigmatic rants often infused with churlish undertones. I beleive that a more taciturn tone could lead to a less irksome platform for our continued conversation. I don't know just something to think about.
hasta en mayo bitches

Give it all

No exciting stories from Johnny T been busy as normal with this degree. Taking test now is like a fucking fight, or a kayaking run, or a race. I get worked up, get my mind in the proper place, walk around, think, visualize and know that I will succeed, that once I sit down my thoughts will flow, will come out with such grace and skill that I can finish with strong confidence. This is my new fucked up high, taking test, mastering ideas and theories, knowing something so well that I can explain it with clarity and efficiency to all interested parties. So what I learned today or learned over the few years I have been alive, fuck shit up, fuck whatever up you have to do, or want to do. You got some shit that needs to happen, well fully engage it, drop 110 percent and leave with a sense of success and happiness.

Da Pope

A non-white pope huh? Could be. I wouldn't place any bets if I were you though, usually journalist predictions are wrong at these things. There is an old saying regarding this, which I can't remember, but goes something like "Whoever comes as first will leave as last". The cardinals will choose someone based on a number of qualities, probably someone inside the voting chamber, according to the rules. Only time will tell, don't get excited by what you read and the politicking that goes on, John Paul II was completely unknown to the media as a prospect.

If I had my way though, the new pope's skin color would be the same as Jesus', which according to John 4:6-10 "My lord hath a skin of the cleanest fuschia, and hath pink polka dots on histh divine ass"

Whoa

Check this shit out. This report carries a lot of weight because it has been endorsed by these guys and these guys.

Karol Wojtyła

If yall haven't heard by now, Pope John Paul II has died. While I knew it was coming for a while, I guess you could say that my perception of reality has always included a Pope. And specifically, John Paul II. Its weird to know that someone will not be there forever, and yet believe that he will. I guess this is sort of what happens when you lose a parent.

I'm sure you all will hear a lot of things about him in the next coming weeks, good and bad. Probably starting out with his accomplishments set to soft "Wind Beneath My Wings" type of music until that gets so annoying that people start yelling about how he sucked in every way just to get it to stop. I really don't want to add to this, but I will tell you my perspective.

John Paul II wasn't really a reformer, in that respect he was pretty conservative. The Catholic religion is pretty much the same now as when he came in save for some minor technical changes. You'll probably hear about abortion, birth control, women's rights, etc. I've always been fine with this, my perspective is that your religion is your choice, if you don't like something then don't practice. The thing that this pope did that made me admire him so much was to respect other religions. More than any other pope he connected and worked with other religions rather than take an isolationist approach. He did this, you could say, without changing Catholicism to be like other religions, making his policy basically "We are Catholic and it is OK if you are not", something that is very close to my own philosophy, and something I wish other people would learn too.

Thats all I really had to say, but I will give yall this link which talks a bit about Karol before he was the pope.

All up in this bi-atch

Sup big neptizzles, finally I figured this shiz-nit out didn't mean to leave yall hanging. Anyways, where to start, been slippy slidin the slippy slidy hill a lot. Throwing some dirt nasty snow based space godzillas, and the boof stroke with the four-ten split. Other than that I've been a lazy bastard. Bartending at the resort has taught me some valuable life lessons though.

1) Hey, who knew it, I'm a damn good looking guy (especially with the 10-16 and the 45-60 crowds)
2) People with families are unhappy and iritable
3) Rich people suck, yeah thats right, all of them
4)If you rinse a glass with water before you pour a beer it won't foam over

So other than learning to snowboard and pour martinis, I have been a complete waste of carbon this winter, but thats all right cause this shit is fun... I'm going to stick around for this summer, hopefully make it back to Ashevegas in may and then next winter its off to Central America. Anyone who wants to come along and be part of my beard growing, fish spearing, grass shack building, hippy commune is welcome. I'm gonna hire some guatemaulan to teach me some spainglish, chase monkeys in the forest, lasso crocodiles, and eat bananas. Fuckin A man, can't hardly wait. later skaters
shmandon